Credit: Remote Swap

With the possibility of World War 3 lurking on the global stage of international politics following the Russian Invasion of Ukraine or maybe you’re worried about the Emu’s rising up again kickstarting the second Great Emu War. Well, we at Interp have decided now is a better time than never to brush up on your draft dodging skills because we are in fact ethical people who are capable of human emotion. Now sit back as me and my totally real co-writer Lou Sassle take you on the draft dodging ride of a lifetime. 

Number 1 on the agenda is “Being a Conscientious Objector” 

This means that if you’re a Jehovah’s Witness or a “member” of a pacifist religion and you are able to provide a history proving that, you can be listed as a Conscientious Objector. So, if you aren’t apart of one of these groups maybe it’s time to kickstart one of the biggest lies you will ever tell by joining one or just dodge all the crap and get a bunch of buddies who are willing participants in this scheme and go around doing the usual Jehovah’s Witness business like door knocking at the worst possible time and handing out pamphlets talking about our lord and saviour. 

Number 2 on the list is a true classic, nothing beats the good ol “Making up a health condition”

The good ol boys in camo and spit shined combat boots are surprisingly strict regarding medical conditions possessed by those enlisting, even if they are desperate for manpower to throw into the meat grinder. Common treatable conditions like Gastritis, Ulcers, Hepatitis and anaemia are just some of the conditions that will have the military rejecting you just like your crush did for the Year 10 formal. Quick note Diabetics you are in fact also out of the picture for the draft. 

Now you’re probably reading this thinking, well what if I don’t have any of these conditions, well go back and read the title silly because you’re going to make one up! Or if you want Hepatitis just do a cheeky Macca’s run and start licking the restroom toilet like it’s a lollipop.

Credit: The New York Times

Now number 3 is something that could possibly be outdated due to law reform and all that lovely legal studies stuff but anyways here it is, “Student Deferments” 

This was a quite popular way to dodge the draft back in the 70s as university students could qualify for a student deferment if it could be proven they were a full-time student making satisfactory progress in their field of study. Meaning a student could continue to go to school and be deferred from service until they were too old to be drafted into the conflict. 

Just ask these American gentlemen how well it worked for them. Bill Clinton (1 Deferment), Joe Biden (5 Deferments), Dick Cheney (5 Deferments) and finally Donald Trump (5 Deferments) 

Number 4 is arguably the most effective and morally acceptable of the list. Holding an ‘Essential’ Civilian Job.

The proper term for this would be “reserved occupations” which are considered necessary for a country to either run or are necessary for the war effort. These jobs are generally those that cannot be done by others and cannot be completely abandoned such as factory workers, police officers, medical professionals etc. So I guess that’s bad news for theatre media students, unless you can act your way into a health care job.